[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Friday, April 8th, 2005|
I almost got into an all out brawl with the entire security Team(ball-washing Pricks) at Ameoba Music on on Sunset Blvd yesterday. I was pretty upset. Whatever was wrong with me yesterday, maybe it is fixed today.
|Thursday, March 31st, 2005|
WOW! I have never loved girls sooo much. THey are HOT!! ALL OF THEM!. I mean shit, what better way to have an orgasm than with a girl. holy fuck yeah.
|Tuesday, March 29th, 2005|
I'm supposed to go to Bob's today to work with Bob and Dylan on the new songs I wrote. They have a tendancy to change scheduals last minute, so I suppose this won't happen til wednesday or thursday. We'll see
|Wednesday, March 9th, 2005|
Did you know that when you take a dump, endorphines are released into your body?
Yep, its natural for it to feel "good"
Betcha didn't know that one now did you?
|Friday, March 4th, 2005|
I'm so sick and tired of it all
I'll stand still and it surrounds me
just cause I was born a half breed
DOes not give you the right to stare
You think I'm strange? So what,
I look better than you.
Wanna know wether I'd rather be called "Black"
or "Afro-American"? Shut up and stop being such an ignorant ditz
Don't call me your black friend. Don't call me snowflake. Stop wondering
what I am.
I human you plain no personality troglodite.
If your parents and theirs hadn't inbred your race so much,
you'd look better than you do. but nope,
you're stuck with plain old white.
I know you'd give anything to be able to grow an afro,
but would you want to have as hard a time finding a job as I do?
Ever not fit in? Ever not be able to relate well with the opposite sex
cause you are so, so unfamiliar to them?
Well fuck them and fuck you.
You don't want what I have. All I want is to be normal,
you dream of being better than normal. Well believe me you moron,
My Life is not any better because I'm a mixed crossbred, half-bred freak,
and you shouldn't envy me, question me, love me, hate me, or touch me.
Just leave me alone, and let me live in my little box all
by myself so I can be safe from the likes of you.
|Thursday, February 24th, 2005|
I am making a movie, I need all kinds of stuff, mostly my priciple actors. Alysia Michelle James has written an extremely brilliant script for a short film (by short I mean at least 30 minutes), and will also be doing the scoring for the music. I need 5 principle actors, 2 males, 3 females. (no this is not a prono). Everyone may inquire for the parts, only the best will be accepted. Just think of it like this "who would I want to act if I were making a movie". I really really need a lighting crew - if anyone has the gusto, balls, talent, expertise, passion or just plain Mcguiver-ness to be a lightin person, please contact me. I want this movie done right. I can get all the coolest most dramatic, most cutting edge, most interesting award winnging shots for this flick (and I will) but its the actors who make or break the movie. If the actors are not dramatic, cutting edge, interesting, cool to look at, if they do not have charisma, if they do not instigate chemistry with other actors, if they do not react to people and things and lines, then we have nothing. We don't want nothing, we want the coolest movie ever.
|Friday, February 11th, 2005|
John 5 (guitar player from Marilyn Manson) needs a bass player for a show next month. I get to play the Wiltern Theatre.
|Wednesday, February 9th, 2005|
I am seriously at a dead end. I don't know what else I can do in this world, nothing seems like it will ever work out in the end, and I will never see the end. I feel at like every aspect (girls, work, music) I will never succeed. All of these things take other peoples cooperation in order to work, so there must be something wrong with me. It all feels like my room mamtes in my god damned condo. I can't even get them to do their own dishes. every inch of that place that is not covered with filth is because of an angry frustrated moment I had where I decided I could not live like that anymore. I mean, seriously, the place has become a dump. I'll clean the counter when its too dirty for me to stand, I'll clean the bathroom, I'll organize the junk laying around in the living room, I'll do ALLLL the dishes, (even though I wash every dish I ever use immediately after I use it, so NONE of the buildup in the sink is mine). I can force things to be clean, but I can't force anyone to cooperate. Am I becomeing my dad? No - he's a fucking jerk-wad, he wants things his way or he becomes abusive and violent - I wonder if I have that In me? Probably, I certainly feel the urge. Fuck that shit. Why did my mother marry that fucker anyway? Must have been something attractive about a violent abusive jerk wad. Perhaps if I can figure this old shit out I can handle the new shit.
|Monday, February 7th, 2005|
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRG!!! FUCK! FUCK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARHG!
that is all. More later.
I have never watched the superbowl in my life and yesterday was no exception. Call me un civilized, but I find nothing entertaining about football. I would have gone to a superbowl party, as it happens no one invited me. Actually I got one invitation, but they never called back to give directions.
|Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005|
I think that for most people, they have to experience un-happiness before they can experience happiness. NOT ME. You can just tell me what to do... I'll do it without having to learn the hard lessons in life.
It seems to me that pain seems to be the ultimate spiritual currency. That sucks... why can't people just do as they are told?
I was thinking today about the excuses people make to do the things they want. Like if you love a person, you need an excuse to tell them so, you can't just out and out say it. you Have to wait for the proper moment when they are most in need of it, and that becomes your time to strike. I hate that. I hate waiting around competing for the right moments to express love. It makes one feel that much more trapped. We are all trapped here prisoners of this life, the unknown and death. I wish I could let everything go and just be free, but no, cause everytime I do, life reminds that there is a bed time and work in the morning. Then life punishes me for not being able to sleep with a torturous exhaustion and anxiety the very next day - every day. Fuck that. I don't claim to be an expert on life, but thats not what Life is all about. SOmeone is playing a cruel joke on me and I do not like it. Fuck You ...whomever you are.
|Tuesday, February 1st, 2005|
I could not sleep at all last night for a whole bunch of reasons. I slept half way for about an hour then woke up at about 3:30 am, decided to pull an all nighter. I am so sick of not being able to sleep. I got til about 6:30 am when I decided to rest my eyes, and then woke up at 9am. I was already late for work. Drove to work, got there at 9:30. I am now signing in and out of AIM so that it appears to my boss on his end of AIM that I am having internet connectivity problems, and he thinks that I was not late. (we do not work in the same city)
UGH, what the fuck is wrong with me?!? I must really have something wrong if I have this much trouble sleeping. My mind is always fucking racing, I always feel like the day should be longer cause I can't sleep, but then I oversleep. I hate this shit, I wish I did not need sleep at all. NOTHING in my god damned life works right, seriously. I am so fucked, I try to live it out everyday like its no big thing, but I can't have one right thing that just works like a charm. I do everything in my power to do things the right way, but everything is fuct. I now have that tired fuzzy underslept feeling that surely will follow me around for the remainder of the day.
|Monday, January 31st, 2005|
ya know, sometimes in life, the cat scratches you in the face leaving permanent facial scars. Sometimes you just gotta buck up and drop the cat instead of thowing it against the wall in a fit of fury like I really wanted to do to that stupid prissy worthless piece of shit fuckin feline.
Yep, life is-a-funny-that-a-way. Like a box of God Damned Chocolates life is.
I felt the knife go in my heart, but then it came out clean,
should be a bloody mess,
But Nothing's to be seen
I felt the knife go in my heart, it meant so much to me.
Its cause you sucked me dry, there's nothing to be seen.
|Thursday, January 27th, 2005|
I am so tired today. I ended staying up late last night like a moron til like 1:45 am playing halo 2 and am tired now. To add fuel to the fire, my room mate was late for work so ended up taking a shower late (he usually does that like an hour before I do. Hence, no hot water for me.
Cold shower + tired + lovesick = me now.
Halo 2 is really great - it takes my mind off... other things. well not really, it just helps me pass time in the meantime. My mind is still very much on other things. My friend James tells me there is this girl he is into that he deeply truly loves, and she deeply truly loves him back, but they are so far a way, and may be like that for a little while. Isn't that always the way - Always some roadblock? James tells me that there is true love there, and nothing can stop it. I have never really believed that was real or possible....I believe him
|Tuesday, January 18th, 2005|
Don't recall my spinal tap
really, how could I forget
Don't recall my first orgasm
Still not had the best one yet
Don't remember being born
Don't remember my first kiss
Don't remember my first soda
Something that I may not miss
Don't remember bleeding when
the doctor quickly cut me open
wish I had that memory,
wish that one had not been stolen
Don't remember my first cell phone
Don't remember my first date
Don't recall where I learned exactly how to masturbate.
If I had some good intentions,
I'm sure that they would have been true
Don't think I remember those,
But baby, I remember you.
|Tuesday, January 11th, 2005|
Down a tiny white nerve
thinking about something she said
there became a thought embodied
in a small mis-shapen head
Conglomerated bright red thorns
sticking out of the bed
lieing there for 5 minutes
is enough to make you dead
Sadness has befallen everywhere
can't believe A WORD that she said
mother fucking cunt illusions
think its time to paint it all red
DOn't believe a word I'm saying
Never trust the color red
Never take my thoughts so serious
Do not think I
have not bled
Have you felt the touch of hatred?
Can you smile in it's face?
can you laugh and go on living
knowing life is such a waste?
Stringy silly green entedrills
Drippy gooey damp moist floor
Sticky slimy air for breathing,
barfbags located at the door
I'm the knife and you're the butter
I'm the blade and you're the skin
I'm the pain and you will suffer,
if you ever touch me again.
I'm the knife and you're the wounded
I'm the blade and you're the blood
dripping from me to be washed off
in the now impending flood.
Test me now and feel the wrath
of a neverending itch
I'm begging you, give me a reason
to put you in your place you bitch
Have you felt the pain of forever?
Have you been locked in a room?
Maybe one day I can show you
The facts about the coming doom.
somebody looses and everyone wins
humpty Dumpty never got put
back together again
|Friday, January 7th, 2005|
Your EQ is
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.
|Wednesday, January 5th, 2005|
|coming for you
I lost the world when I found you
My heart Destroyed itself
I wanted to be Just like you I'll make believe myself
I am coming for you
You won't hide from me
I wanted so much to have you
You are inside my head
I'll give it all to be with you
I'll stalk until I'm dead
I'll fall asleep at your front door
I wanna see your face
You'll be afraid but thats ok You'll learn to
love me someday
I am coming for you
You won't hide from me